Tips Memilih Sandal Wanita yang Cantik dan Nyaman

Benda yang simpel dan sering kita pakai sehari-hari ini ternyata sering juga lho menimbulkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan, seperti: Ada nggak sih aturan baku mengenai sandal ini? Sebenarnya pantas nggak pakai kaos kaki ketika memakai sandal? Pakai dress dan sandal cocok ga? Ke kantor boleh pakai sandal ga? Dan masih banyak lagi pertanyaan seputar sandal.

Sebenarnya, boleh atau nggak, pantas atau tidak, cocok apa nggak, semuanya tergantung dari model sandal yang kita pilih. Memakai sandal BOLEH BANGET kalau membuat kita merasa nyaman dan ketika kita melakukan aktivitas yang tidak memerlukan perlindungan kaki. Maksudnya gimana? Kalau kita lagi jogging atau berolahraga, sangat tidak disarankan untuk menggunakan sandal karena bisa membuat kaki kita keseleo. Untuk ke kantor dan bertemu calon client juga nggak ada larangan untuk mengenakan sandal (kecuali ada dalam peraturan perusahaan), asal bukan pakai sandal jepit ya! ;)



Sandal sendiri menjadi favorit kita-kita karena mudah digunakan dan dilepas. Coba kalau pakai sepatu, ribet kan? Bahkan di beberapa negara atau kota yang dekat pantai, seperti Denpasar, Bali, memakai sandal udah jadi bagian dari hidup sehari-hari. Selain itu, banyaknya variasi sandal yang ada di toko membuat orang, khususnya wanita, memudahkan kita dalam menemukan jenis sandal yang cocok sesuai kebutuhan.

Sekarang, gimana sih cara memilih sandal yang baik, sandal yang nggak cuma cantik ketika dilihat, tapi nyaman pas digunakan? Pasti teman-teman pernah ngalamin liat sandal yang kelihatannya bagus di toko, harganya murah meriah pula, tapi giliran dipakai buat jalan jauh, langsung buat kaki jadi pegel-pegel deh :p

Berikut adalah tips untuk memilih sandal yang cantik DAN nyaman:

    * Kenyamanan. Ini merupakan hal yang WAJIB diperhatikan dalam membeli berbagai jenis alas kaki, termasuk sandal. Khususnya ketika membeli sandal berhak tinggi, kita harus mencoba memakainya untuk berjalan bolak-balik sehingga kita dapat mengetahui apakah gampang/susah untuk menjaga keseimbangan tubuh ketika memakai sandal tersebut.
    * Harga. Faktor harga ini merupakan salah satu faktor yang krusial. Saat ini ada banyak sandal branded dengan harga selangit! Kadang-kadang kalau baru gajian, rasanya susah banget menahan diri untuk nggak langsung beli. Memang benar kalau ada harga ada kualitas, tapi tenang aja, teman-teman pasti bisa menemukan sepatu yang sesuai dengan harga yang pas di kantong ;)
    * sandalDesign/desain sandal. Ayo jawab dengan jujur, apa yang kerap menjadi alasan utama kita untuk membeli sandal baru? Jarang banget kan alasannya karena sandal kita yang lama sudah rusak. Alasan yang lebih sering muncul adalah karena ada desain sandal baru yang kita belum punya. Ayo ngaku :) . Desain sandal wajib untuk diperhatikan, apalagi kalau kita mau memakainya ke kantor atau untuk bertemu calon client ;)
    * Kecocokan dengan pakaian yang Anda miliki. Lagi naksir sandal yang bagussss banget??? Nyaman? Harga pas di kantong? Ups, tunggu dulu, jangan buru-buru gosok kartu kredit Anda! Coba ingat-ingat dulu, apakah sandal yang akan kita beli bisa cocok dengan celana jeans favorit kita? Kalau mau dipakai ke pesta, ada nggak baju yang sesuai? Kalau jawabannya nggak, lebih baik menunda belanjanya :p
    * Brand/merk. Anda termasuk fans berat barang-barang bermerk, termasuk juga sandal? Kalau iya, Anda wajib berhati-hati dalam membeli barang, kalau bisa beli langsung di toko retailer-nya, untuk mencegah dapat barang palsu atau KW. Apalagi kalau belanja online, harus sangat jeli dan teliti, soalnya banyak banget barang yang serupa tapi tak sama lho. Satu lagi, selalu belanja dari tempat-tempat yang terpercaya, biar tidak tertipu.

Nggak ribet kan cara memilih sepatu yang cantik dan nyaman? Cukup dengan mengingat kelima poin di atas: kenyamanan, harga, desain sandal, kecocokan dengan pakaian yang kita miliki, brand/merk, sandal yang kita beli pasti:

    * Bisa dipakai
    * Nggak kemahalan
    * Nyaman
    * Bertahan lama
Benda yang simpel dan sering kita pakai sehari-hari ini ternyata sering juga lho menimbulkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan, seperti: Ada nggak sih aturan baku mengenai sandal ini? Sebenarnya pantas nggak pakai kaos kaki ketika memakai sandal? Pakai dress dan sandal cocok ga? Ke kantor boleh pakai sandal ga? Dan masih banyak lagi pertanyaan seputar sandal.

Sebenarnya, boleh atau nggak, pantas atau tidak, cocok apa nggak, semuanya tergantung dari model sandal yang kita pilih. Memakai sandal BOLEH BANGET kalau membuat kita merasa nyaman dan ketika kita melakukan aktivitas yang tidak memerlukan perlindungan kaki. Maksudnya gimana? Kalau kita lagi jogging atau berolahraga, sangat tidak disarankan untuk menggunakan sandal karena bisa membuat kaki kita keseleo. Untuk ke kantor dan bertemu calon client juga nggak ada larangan untuk mengenakan sandal (kecuali ada dalam peraturan perusahaan), asal bukan pakai sandal jepit ya! ;)

sandal 2

Sandal sendiri menjadi favorit kita-kita karena mudah digunakan dan dilepas. Coba kalau pakai sepatu, ribet kan? Bahkan di beberapa negara atau kota yang dekat pantai, seperti Denpasar, Bali, memakai sandal udah jadi bagian dari hidup sehari-hari. Selain itu, banyaknya variasi sandal yang ada di toko membuat orang, khususnya wanita, memudahkan kita dalam menemukan jenis sandal yang cocok sesuai kebutuhan.

Sekarang, gimana sih cara memilih sandal yang baik, sandal yang nggak cuma cantik ketika dilihat, tapi nyaman pas digunakan? Pasti teman-teman pernah ngalamin liat sandal yang kelihatannya bagus di toko, harganya murah meriah pula, tapi giliran dipakai buat jalan jauh, langsung buat kaki jadi pegel-pegel deh :p

Berikut adalah tips untuk memilih sandal yang cantik DAN nyaman:

    * Kenyamanan. Ini merupakan hal yang WAJIB diperhatikan dalam membeli berbagai jenis alas kaki, termasuk sandal. Khususnya ketika membeli sandal berhak tinggi, kita harus mencoba memakainya untuk berjalan bolak-balik sehingga kita dapat mengetahui apakah gampang/susah untuk menjaga keseimbangan tubuh ketika memakai sandal tersebut.
    * Harga. Faktor harga ini merupakan salah satu faktor yang krusial. Saat ini ada banyak sandal branded dengan harga selangit! Kadang-kadang kalau baru gajian, rasanya susah banget menahan diri untuk nggak langsung beli. Memang benar kalau ada harga ada kualitas, tapi tenang aja, teman-teman pasti bisa menemukan sepatu yang sesuai dengan harga yang pas di kantong ;)
    * sandalDesign/desain sandal. Ayo jawab dengan jujur, apa yang kerap menjadi alasan utama kita untuk membeli sandal baru? Jarang banget kan alasannya karena sandal kita yang lama sudah rusak. Alasan yang lebih sering muncul adalah karena ada desain sandal baru yang kita belum punya. Ayo ngaku :) . Desain sandal wajib untuk diperhatikan, apalagi kalau kita mau memakainya ke kantor atau untuk bertemu calon client ;)
    * Kecocokan dengan pakaian yang Anda miliki. Lagi naksir sandal yang bagussss banget??? Nyaman? Harga pas di kantong? Ups, tunggu dulu, jangan buru-buru gosok kartu kredit Anda! Coba ingat-ingat dulu, apakah sandal yang akan kita beli bisa cocok dengan celana jeans favorit kita? Kalau mau dipakai ke pesta, ada nggak baju yang sesuai? Kalau jawabannya nggak, lebih baik menunda belanjanya :p
    * Brand/merk. Anda termasuk fans berat barang-barang bermerk, termasuk juga sandal? Kalau iya, Anda wajib berhati-hati dalam membeli barang, kalau bisa beli langsung di toko retailer-nya, untuk mencegah dapat barang palsu atau KW. Apalagi kalau belanja online, harus sangat jeli dan teliti, soalnya banyak banget barang yang serupa tapi tak sama lho. Satu lagi, selalu belanja dari tempat-tempat yang terpercaya, biar tidak tertipu.

Nggak ribet kan cara memilih sepatu yang cantik dan nyaman? Cukup dengan mengingat kelima poin di atas: kenyamanan, harga, desain sandal, kecocokan dengan pakaian yang kita miliki, brand/merk, sandal yang kita beli pasti:

    * Bisa dipakai
    * Nggak kemahalan
    * Nyaman
    * Bertahan lama

Home » Tips Cantik » Tips Kembali Cantik Pasca Melahirkan Tips Kembali Cantik Pasca Melahirkan

Pasca melahirkan tentu banyak perubahan yang terjadi pada tubuh bunda. Jika bunda melahirkan secara normal, seminggu pasca melahirkan bunda sudah bisa kembali merawat tubuh untuk menjaga kecantikan. Selain perhatian penuh pada si kecil, kecantikan juga harus diperhatikan. Yuk…kembali cantik pasca melahirkan.

Tips Kembali cantik pasca melahirkan

    * Lakukan perawatan tubuh

Perawatan tubuh yang bisa Bunda pilih pasca melahirkan salah satunya adalah pijat aromaterapi. Pijat sangat baik bagi tubuh, selain menyegarkan tubuh dan pikiran, pijat juga memperlancar sirkulasi darah dan mengurangi selulit. satu hal yang tak boleh terlupa dalam perawatan tubuh adalah perawtaan untuk mengencangkan kulit, terutama kulit yang kendor serta stretch mark. Bunda bisa memilih berbagai perawatan yang dirasa paling aman dan nyaman.

    * Minum jamu

Di Indonesia, wanita yang usai melahirkan biasanya minum jamu khusus pasca melahirkan yang tersedia dalam satu paket untuk 40 hari. Jamu berguna untuk menyembuhkan luka sehabis melahirkan dan mengembalikan kecantikan anda. Meskipun di jaman modern seperti ini dimana teknologi kesehatan dan obat makin canggih, jamu terbuat mempunyai keunggulan dari bahan alami dan telah digunakan sejak jaman nenek moyang dahulu.

    * Perhatikan Kualitas Makanan

Makanan yang tidak terkontrol, selain menimbulkan lemak juga tidak baik bagi kesehatan.

    * Perbanyak minum air putih

Air putih memiliki begitu banyak manfaat bagi tubuh, selain melembabkan kulit dan membuat segar bercahaya, minum air putih sebelum makan siang akan membantu mengurangi nafsu makan anda.

    * Ganti dengan camilan sehat

Beralihlah dari camilan tidak sehat seperti gorengan, kue manis dan es krim ke buah, jus buah dan yoghurt yang lebih sehat.

    * Rajin Olahraga.

Jenis olahraga yang bisa bunda pilih pasca melahirkan adalah jenis olahraga ringan seperti senam ringan, yoga dan jalan kaki.

Orange benefits for the skin

    * Wash the face pack with cold water and gently rub the pack off using your fingertips. Try to apply some bit of pressure with your fingertips so that all the dead skin and internal dirt can be removed simultaneously.

Oranges, apart from being delicious and affordable, are also exceptionally nutritious. There is a reason as to why the first meal of the day is combined with a glass of fresh orange juice. The reason is simple, the amount of calories in an orange are extremely low, while its nourishment value is very high. Oranges are rich in amino acids, folic acid, pectin, flavonoids, and most importantly, it contains a galore of antioxidants which is excellent for the skin. Most of us never gave the orange peel much consideration, which is why it always found its way into the trash. However, when orange peels are mashed and made into a paste, it can work wonders for our skin. The advantages of oranges are not limited to simply consuming it. The entire fruit in its totality is a reservoir of nutrition and has its own medicinal properties, much like lemon. This article will discuss the various orange benefits for skin and how to use them properly.

Orange Peel Benefits for Skin

    * Orange peel helps cleanse the skin and open the pores.
    * Orange also helps remove any darkening of the skin as a result of tanning or sun exposure.
    * It helps fight skin infections, and protects the skin from dryness.
    * It makes the skin supple, soft, and bright. This happens because the citric acid in the peel acts as a bleaching agent and helps lighten the skin.
    * It also helps fight acne and helps prevent it from recurring often. The reason being that the peel cleanses the pores from within, which is why no excess oil, dead cells or dirt remains clogged within them.
    * It is excellent for people who have dry skin and those who have wrinkles, as the peel helps reduce the wrinkles over time. However, the peel will take time to yield positive results and users must have patience.
    * It also helps reduce scars which may have been left behind by acne, or minor scratches and burns.
    * Orange juice from the peel, can be used on the scalp to reduce dandruff and oily scalp conditions. It is inadvisable to use sweet orange juice as it can make the scalp sticky, and encourage fungal growth.
    * The peel can be mashes into pulp, and can be used as a hair pack. It helps to condition the hair and cleanse the scalp.
    * You can make distilled orange peel water, by boiling the orange peels with distilled water. Collect the mixed and boiled orange water from the lower boiler and seal it in an air tight bottle. Do not disturb this concoction for the next two days, after which you may apply the water directly on your face and skin.
    * You could also mix the water with other face packs, for adding more rejuvenating and healing qualities the face pack.
    * You may even use this water as a body spray or astringent for your skin and scalp.

How to Make an Orange Peel Face Mask
In order to make an orange peel face pack, you can either use the fresh orange skin or you may use orange peels which have been sun-dried for a few weeks until they are completely dry and brittle. However, using fresh peels seems easier for people to use, because it is quicker and convenient. It also ensures that all necessary nutrients are still present in the peel and haven't been lost. Here is how you will make an orange peel face mask.

    * First of all you will need to clean the orange peel with some salt water so that all germs are removed from the fruit.
    * Now put the peels in the blender and mash it up to make a thick sticky paste.
    * Once the paste is ready, mix a tablespoon of yogurt to the paste. Add a few drops of lemon juice as well, and then add a teaspoon of honey or glycerin into the paste. Mix the paste thoroughly so as to allow all the ingredients to blend properly.
    * Before you apply the pack, wash your face with warm water.
    * Let the pores of your face open up by using some steam therapy. You can do this by leaning over a vaporizer or a jug of hot water. The steam will warm your face and open the skin pores.
    * Now apply the orange peel pack evenly on your face and use a generous amount so that the pack is not too thin.
    * The pack may sting a tiny bit, but it will be manageable. After this you must allow the pack to remain for about 45 minutes to one hour. Wash the pack when it's completely dry, or when one hour is complete, whichever happens faster.

Once you have washed your face completely let the skin air-dry, after which you must apply a very thin coat of face cream, for preventing your skin from drying up. Apply this pack at least once in a week, and you will begin to notice the many orange benefits for skin for yourself.

Early Soy Diet May Protect Against Breast Cancer

Asian-American women who ate a lot of soy as children had a 58 percent reduced risk of developing breast cancer, U.S. researchers said on Monday in a finding that suggests soy may have a protective effect.

"Childhood soy intake was significantly associated with reduced breast cancer risk in our study," said Dr. Larissa Korde of the National Cancer Institute, whose study appears in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers and Prevention.

Historically, breast cancer rates among white women in the United States are four to seven times higher than in women in China or Japan, Regina Ziegler of the National Cancer Institute said in a statement.

But when Asian women emigrate to the United States, their risk for breast cancer rises over several generations, suggesting something other than genetics was at play. Korde and colleagues checked to see if diet or other lifestyle factors could explain the differences.

They interviewed nearly 1,600 women of Chinese, Japanese and Filipino descent who were living in San Francisco, Oakland, or Los Angeles, California, or Hawaii. Some 600 had breast cancer and the rest were healthy.

If the women had mothers living in the United States, they asked the mothers about their daughter's soy consumption in childhood.

Women who consumed the highest amounts of soy in childhood had 58 percent less risk of breast cancer compared with those in the lowest groups.

The effect was weaker when adolescents or adults ate or drank a lot of soy, but the study still found a 20 to 25 percent reduction in risk.

The relationship between childhood soy consumption and reduced cancer risk held for all women in the study, regardless of family history of breast cancer.

The findings about childhood soy consumption suggest "the timing of soy intake may be especially critical," Korde said.

She said exactly why soy may protect is not known, but early soy consumption may interfere with the biology of breast cancer. Soy contains isoflavones with properties similar to the female sex hormone estrogen, which may alter breast tissue, she said in a statement.

Tests in animals show soy may help breast tissue mature earlier and better resist cancer-causing agents, she said.

But Ziegler said it is too early for parents to start adding soy to their daughters' diets.

"This is the first study to evaluate childhood soy intake and subsequent breast cancer risk, and this one result is not enough for a public health recommendation," she said, adding that the findings need to be replicated in other studies.

Breast cancer is diagnosed in 1.2 million men and women globally every year and kills 500,000.

"Childhood soy intake was significantly associated with reduced breast cancer risk in our study," said Dr. Larissa Korde of the National Cancer Institute, whose study appears in the journal Cancer Epidemiology, Biomarkers and Prevention.

Historically, breast cancer rates among white women in the United States are four to seven times higher than in women in China or Japan, Regina Ziegler of the National Cancer Institute said in a statement.

But when Asian women emigrate to the United States, their risk for breast cancer rises over several generations, suggesting something other than genetics was at play. Korde and colleagues checked to see if diet or other lifestyle factors could explain the differences.

They interviewed nearly 1,600 women of Chinese, Japanese and Filipino descent who were living in San Francisco, Oakland, or Los Angeles, California, or Hawaii. Some 600 had breast cancer and the rest were healthy.

If the women had mothers living in the United States, they asked the mothers about their daughter's soy consumption in childhood.

Women who consumed the highest amounts of soy in childhood had 58 percent less risk of breast cancer compared with those in the lowest groups.

The effect was weaker when adolescents or adults ate or drank a lot of soy, but the study still found a 20 to 25 percent reduction in risk.

The relationship between childhood soy consumption and reduced cancer risk held for all women in the study, regardless of family history of breast cancer.

The findings about childhood soy consumption suggest "the timing of soy intake may be especially critical," Korde said.

She said exactly why soy may protect is not known, but early soy consumption may interfere with the biology of breast cancer. Soy contains isoflavones with properties similar to the female sex hormone estrogen, which may alter breast tissue, she said in a statement.

Tests in animals show soy may help breast tissue mature earlier and better resist cancer-causing agents, she said.

But Ziegler said it is too early for parents to start adding soy to their daughters' diets.

"This is the first study to evaluate childhood soy intake and subsequent breast cancer risk, and this one result is not enough for a public health recommendation," she said, adding that the findings need to be replicated in other studies.

Breast cancer is diagnosed in 1.2 million men and women globally every year and kills 500,000.

Natural Ways to Remove Acne Scars

 Acne can be an embarrassing skin condition that can leave behind scarring, including skin discolorations and deep pits on the face. Although some scarring cannot be treated naturally, such as the "ice pick" type of scarring, scarring that causes the skin to become discolored can be treated easily using household natural products.
Related Searches:

    * Skin Face Cream
    * Lemon Juice Acne

   1.
      Baking Soda Scrub
          *

            Baking soda is alkaline, and its particulates are small and gentle, making them effective at removing dead skin cells without irritating the skin. When dead skin cells stay on the skin, it can cause acne scarring and discolorations to remain on the face longer than necessary. To use baking soda as an exfoliant, mix about 1 teaspoon of baking soda with a drizzle of water until a loose paste is formed. Gently massage the paste onto the skin using small deliberate circles. Focus on the areas that contain the acne scarring and skin discolorations. After about 30 seconds, rinse well with warm water.
      Lemon Juice Toner
          *

            Lemon juice is highly acidic, and its high content of vitamin C helps stave off free radicals on the skin. This can remove dead skin cells, increase cell turnover and repair damaged skin, allowing new skin to come through. Lemon juice can be used by soaking a cotton pad or cotton ball in lemon juice, then applying it liberally to the skin after washing. Let the lemon juice remain on the skin to dry. You can repeat this procedure up to three times per day.
      Urine Therapy
          *

            Urine has been used for thousands of years to reduce redness and relieve skin conditions all over the world. Because urine is completely sterile, and full of skin soothing nutrients and vitamins, it can significantly reduce redness and inflammation on the skin. When applied topically, the skin scarred and discolored by acne becomes clearer, balanced and more even toned. To use urine as an acne scar treatment, soak a cotton pad in the first morning's urine, then apply it to the face. You can let the urine dry or rinse it off with warm water after 15 minutes.

    * Age Spots Removedwww.perrinskinblends.com

      Natural Cream has Removed Age Spots and Sun-Damaged Areas
    * Dr Valentin Low (S'PORE)www.iplskinclub.com

      Facelift Lipo Kurus Kulit Laser Orchard Rd Paragon tel:+65-67203323
    * Medical dermatologistswww.myskinclinic.fromyourdoctor.com

      Treat eczema, pimples, psoriaiss skin cancers & more, call 63338108
    * Hemangioma Malformationswww.hemangioma.com

      NYU Professor of Plastic Surgery Specialist in Hemangioma Removals


Read more: Natural Ways to Remove Acne Scars | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/way_5255268_natural-ways-remove-acne-scars.html#ixzz1gU9vIQr2

Kulit putih alami

Kulit putih alami – Memiliki kulip putih alami bukan lagi masalah yang serius. Banyak cara yang dapat kita tempuh untuk memutihkan kulit anda. Jika ingin praktis, kita bisa datang ke salon-salon kecantikan. Akan tetapi umumnya jika kita datang ke salon memerlukan biaya yang cukup lumayan banyak. Untuk itu, dari pada kita menghambur-hamburkan uang lebih baik kita gunakan cara tradisional atau cara herbal. Ya memang membutuhkan waktu yang lumayan lama, sebab bahan tersebut dari bahan alam dan bukan bahan kimia yang ada efek sampingnya.

Bicara tentang bahan alami, kita bisa gunakan dengan jeruk nipis yang ada di sekitar rumah kita. Selain jeruk baik untuk kesehatan, diet, penghilang bau, dan lain-lain ternyata dengan jeruk nipis kita bisa mengubah kulit kita agar tampak lebih putih dan bersih.

Memutihkan Kulit

Manusia memiliki warna kulit yang tidak sama satu sama lain. Selain faktor genetik, ada juga beberapa faktor lain, seperti iklim dan cuaca. Kulit wajah adalah bagian yang paling penting, khususnya bagi kaum wanita. Karena itu, kaum wanita melakukan beberapa upaya untuk membuat kulit wajah menjadi putih bersih dan menarik. Semula, baik kedokteran maupun di salon kecantikan, memutihkan kulit dilakukan dengan cara pengelupasan sel-sel mati oleh produk dengan bahan-bahan aktif, hanya dengan mengkonsumsi dan membalur tubuh (bagian-bagian tertentu pada tubuh) dengan jeruk nipis, kulit menjadi lebih putih. Selain kaya gizi, jeruk juga kaya akan zat seperti bioflanid, minyak atsiri limonen, asam sitrat, linalin asetat, dan fellandren yang dapat menyembuhkan penyakit batuk, menurunkan demam, meningkatkan gairah seksual, dan membuat suara merdu. Salah satu manfaat jeruk nipis di bidang kecantikan adalah kandungan vitamin C yang dapat membuat kulit menjadi putih, halus, dan kencang. Buah ini memiliki kandungan vitamin C yang bermanfaat sebagai antioksidan. Vitamin C yang memiliki ikatan L dalam setiap molekulnya, bagus untuk mencerahkan warna kulit.

Resep Wajah Putih dan Halus

Untuk mendapatkan kulit wajah yang putih dan halus, ada dua cara yang dapat dilakukan. “Untuk memutihkan dan menghaluskan kulit serta memperkecil pori-pori, bisa dilakukan dengan dua cara. Pertama dengan cara mengkonsumsinya. Karena dengan mengkonsumsi jeruk, kandungan vitamin C yang diserap oleh tubuh akan lebih maksimal. Kedua, menggunakan jeruk nipis dari luar dengan mengusapkan potongan jeruk nipis pada wajah dan kulit bagian tubuh yang dinginkan secara rutin setiap hari.

Making Peace With Your Mom

Chapter One
Tell Me About Your Mother

"Tell me about your mother."

Doris gave me a puzzled expression when I made the request. She was a middle-aged career woman holding a management-level position. "What does my mother have to do with why I'm here?" she replied. "I came for counseling because of the difficulties I'm having at work. My mother lives three thousand miles away."

* * *

"Tell me about your mother."

Lorianne glanced at the floor defensively, then looked up at me. Tears were welling up in her eyes. "I don't like talking about her," she began softly. "I hear her in my head most of the time. Is there some connection between her and my reasons for seeing you?" Lorianne had come for counseling because of her outbursts with her family, which intensified twice a year just before her mother came to visit.

* * *

"Tell me about your mother."

Denise's eyes brightened with my invitation to speak. "Mom was great. She taught me to be independent and to believe in myself. Oh, she still has an opinion, but she tells us to take her advice or leave it. Either way is all right with her," she said, smiling. "All of us enjoyed our relationship with her as we were growing up. Perhaps that's why I feel good about myself as a woman today. She gave me a good sense of security in who I am, not just in what I do."

* * *

"Tell me about your mother."

How would you, an adult daughter, respond to that statement? I'm sure many thoughts and feelings about your mom rise to the surface. Some may be pleasant and some unpleasant. Later in this chapter you'll have an opportunity to put them in writing.

A Life-Shaping Relationship

Our lives are built on relationships; they are among the most significant elements of life. We were created to be connected to others. People around us shape who we are, what we believe, and who and what we become. This is especially true of the mother-daughter relationship. It affects all areas of your life, as Henry Cloud and John Townsend explain:

Not only do we learn our patterns of intimacy, relating and separateness from Mother, but we also learn about how to handle failure, troublesome emotions, expectations and ideals, grief and loss, and many of the other components that make up our "emotional IQ"—that part of us that guarantees whether or not we will be successful at love and work. In short, the following two realities largely determine our emotional development:

1. How we were mothered.
2. How we have responded to that mothering.

These two issues really do determine who you are as a person today.

If your mothering was negative, you may have developed a pattern of mistrusting, which can continue the rest of your life if not confronted. Some daughters become combative and aggressive. In order to avoid being controlled, they try to control others. Many respond to mothering, in any form, in a defensive or reactive way.

When there are unresolved issues with Mom, two important factors are at work. One has to do with your feelings for your mother, the hurts you experienced, and the needs she didn't meet. Have you identified these feelings, hurts, unmet needs? The second factor is the dynamics and patterns of relating, which you learned as you interacted with your mom. As you consider these issues, realize that the first one concerns how you feel today about your past and the other deals with how you may be repeating the patterns from your past.

Your future is tied to your past. Your early relationship with your mother is the foundation upon which you will build all of your future relationships. You either received approval and affirmation—and internalized those positive feelings—or you received messages of disappointment, which turned into the way you view yourself. So the portrait you've painted of yourself was not as much by your hand but the hand of your mother.

An unhealthy, destructive, or painful mother-daughter relationship can warp future adulthood relationships if you don't come to grips with what happened and its effect. For example, some women connect with others who have many of their mother's most destructive characteristics. Perhaps it's because they are comfortable with these characteristics since they know them so well. Or it could be the woman thinks that if she can change a person or win his or her acceptance, it will prove that when she was growing up, the defect wasn't in her after all. Do you identify with these thoughts in any way?

Some daughters are so protective because of what occurred in the past that they reject or hurt others who remind them of their mother. They're on the defensive most of the time and give people little opportunity to connect.

Some women actually choose to marry a man who was like their mother. But what is especially unfortunate is the grown daughter who attempts to create in her own children the loving mother she never had. Of course this has a detrimental effect upon the children, so she repeats what her mother did in some way. When we see patterns like this, we see a woman who is still connected to her mother and hasn't yet learned to separate in a healthy way.

The good news is that it is possible to make sense of a difficult relationship and enjoy healing.

Excerpted from:
Making Peace With Your Mom by H. Norman Wright with Sheryl Wright Macauley
Copyright © 2006; ISBN 0764202901
Published by Bethany House Publishers
Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.